also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
