She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
