Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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