The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
