you have to choose: penises or morals?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
