just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no, he came in my armpit
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
