you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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