i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
