I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
