By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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