That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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