I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
