Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
