we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
