my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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