Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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