Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
