The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm at about main and main street
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
