forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
