Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
