the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
