Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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