His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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