he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she pinky promised me she was 18
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
