We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
