yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
