I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
