I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
