what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
