i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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