I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
