What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
