I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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