thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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