Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
