Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
