Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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