We won't sleep together?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
