The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
