she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
