based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
