I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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