Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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