in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
