Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
