in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
