mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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