Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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