I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
