I wish I could punch you in the face.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
