I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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