HIV tests are more positive than that guy
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
