Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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