I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
