you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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