I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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