Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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