I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
