you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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