That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
