ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
