Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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