Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize