There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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