better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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