I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
