what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish you could order shots online.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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