I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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