i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
