You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
