Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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